She asked me the other day who I remembered being with all the time when I was little.
Was it just her there all the time, Just him or both of them?
I wanted so badly to be able to say “Both of you” but I couldn’t
So I answered “Just you”. What else could I say? You weren’t there.
I wish you were but you just weren’t. I remember some things about you,
Like we always used to have pb&j sandwiches and you always used to
Buy me those icecream things that had a lollipop inside them on your way home.

I remember one year, it was my birthday and I got a jumping castle. I tried to jump high enough so I could watch the road, hoping you’d come. You never did and I was too young to understand why.

Then when I was in year three, I had to make my holy communion. Mum told you all the details but you never got back to her. I didn’t listen to half the mass, I spent the majority of the night watching the door, hoping once again that you’d be there. But you just weren’t. You never were.

I don’t talk about you much, I guess it just makes me miss you. I remeber how I used to cry everytime you left after you took us out for the day, I guess it just felt like losing you all over again.

I have this memory in my head of the day you left, I can’t tell if it’s real or if I just made it up, I guess i’ll never know. I’m too scared to ask.

Bottom line is. I miss you, but you were never there. Does that even matter to you?